Watch out for mom

I have been in a bad mood for the last week or so. Mostly I think it's because I haven't lost all the weight I wanted to lose by now. But it's more than that - the weight loss is a manifestation of the root cause. The real reason, I think, is that I'm not happy with my self-control. I did quite good with my diet until this past week when all I've done is eat anything I could think of. Now I look like I did 2 or 3 months ago (at least I think I do). Again, though, its the lack of control that makes me the angriest at myself. Also I've had a cold for about a month now so I haven't been running very much - and I wish I was better at running than I am right now. I've still been working out, but not as hard as I'd like to. So, I feel like I've let myself down over the past little while, and that comes out of me as frankiness (but spelled with a c not an f - my blocker blocks this word). Nice.

Here's my conclusion: I've done not bad with losing weight, I've done pretty good with being in shape, I'm a pretty good mom, my kids mostly behave, my house is clean most of the time, my stuff is fairly organized, I'm on time usually...all this isn't bad, especially for someone who has 5 kids including a baby (who doesn't sleep through the night I might add). So - I realized, I'm not bad at lots of things, but I'm not exceptional at anything. You know what I'm talking about - there is always that person you think of -- baked goods? She's the best at it. Organized? Someone always comes to mind. Best mom? You can think of her. That's what I'm talking about - being exceptional or the best at something. That's what I want.

Here's the corrallary to that conclusion: I really want to be exceptional at being skinny and a great runner. However, that actually is going against my genetics and my natural talents. This is the root of the problem. I still think this is an entirely attainable goal - and maybe it is someday when I have a different kind of life, but now, given my time constraints, it just isn't realistic. This doesn't mean I need to give up and just eat away while lying on the couch watching TV - it does mean I have to lower my standards (only in this area - kids: always maintain your high standards and don't do . Or smoke. Or get into cars with strangers. And get off the internet. Go play outside...). Back to me: I'll lower my expectations to being pretty good at this stuff, not the best.

And here's my new plan: What can I be exceptional at? What can I devote my time and energy to becoming?? There are two things I've decided on. The first comes from the scriptures on gifts of the spirit. One of those gifts is the gift of discernment. I've decided to focus on attaining this gift for my family. I want to be able to discern where we should devote our time and resources to best benefit us all. I want to be able to discern what activities and pastimes will help us meet our goal of being an eternal family. This goes hand in hand with some of the recent conference talks (specifically "Mothers Who Know" by Sis. Beck and "Good, Better, Best" by Elder Oaks). Second, and this is short, I want to be the best at being kind to everyone.

...oh and being skinny wouldn't be bad...

PS. This is not a hidden plea for compliments (although I do love them - and gifts). I just thought I'd blog instead of going to the shrink! And I figured - if I'm going to blog I need to do the good and the not so good.

Now I need to go get Will out of his bed.